Sabrina Carpenter has the pop world in her little Polly Pocket hand. She has girls screaming lyrics like we did with early Taylor Swift. She has the masses moving their bodies while her 5'4 frame stomps across festival stages.
"Heartbreak is one thing, my ego's another" is the line going viral across social media from her newest single, Please Please Please.
I'd say about 70% of the population makes decisions with their ego over their heart. I am not one of those humans.
I was talking with my infamous long distance bestie, Mikey, and he made a point to tell me that he thinks I trust myself too much. "You trust your brain to outweigh your heart". And he isn't wrong. I've trusted my brain to make the choices to protect me, and sometimes it wins the battles, but my heart wins the war. I've almost always made choices of the heart. I've disregarded physical safety, financial security, and smart timing in order for a few moments of gratification from another human's soul.
I have very rarely, and stupidly, set my ego aside time and time again for the who I thought was the right one. And I've been embarrassed, motherf*cker.
Was it the time I had to explain to a white boy that there is no "pass" for racial slurs because a co-worker said it was okay? Because cleaning up his Twitter presence was an act of heart and not self-respect. Was it the time that my then-boyfriend cheated on me in Portugal with a hooker and I wasn't aware until months AFTER he dumped me? Because paying money to disrespect me and then have me look clueless wasn't for the weak. Or the time that another ex TRIED to cheat on me, while I was asleep in his bed, but kept striking out? No one else wanted you, really? How do you think I feel that you wanted to and failed?
I had my suspicions but let my heart tell me it was just a weird feeling rather than my ego telling me this man is embarrassing me.
Please, please, please do not embarrass me, motherf*cker. It's so simple. So sweet. So true. And so to the point. It's not a threat; it's not even a mask to protect yourself. It's just a taunt. Like we KNOW that our partners will embarrass us in some shape or another. But please, don't.
I don't want to be cheated on, again, and be unaware. I don't want to hide when the man I've taken home says something out of pocket or offensive. I don't want to cry when I find out all the reasons to be mortified if I knew in the moment.
But alas, I know for a fact that I won't have a partner humiliate me again. Or anytime soon at least. I've given up dating. And I know I've sung this song before, given an encore, and kept on stage for more applause. But this time, I'm serious. It wasn't my time. It isn't my time. And I'm trusting The Universe to show me those three sneezes as a sign. But until then, I'm thankful NO ONE has the chance to embarrass me.
